Love is bliss when you are dating, but then when you get married it’s another story, and the nagging begins.
The things that didn’t bother you; now do. Things you thought were cute; now aren’t, and what you thought you could live with; you feel you just can’t.
Usually, what hinders the connection is a difference of spiritual beliefs. Too often we settle for less than God’s best because we don’t want to be lonely, don’t think we will find anyone else, or simply think we can change them.
My Nagging Story
We were unequally yoked when we first met, but my walk with God won my husband over. Did it solve all of our differences, no?
Early in our marriage because my husband was new to the faith of God, we saw things very differently, and it led to many arguments. I would petition God to change him until one day 1 Peter 3 hit me like a ton of bricks.
“In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].” ~1 Peter 3:1-2 (AMPC)
This scripture can apply to all of us; married, or single. If you’re in a relationship with a man who is not saved or a man who is saved but not living by the Word of God, the Bible gives us hope that we can win them over.
However, it will require some discipline on our part. If you notice the beginning of the scripture says even if they do not obey the Word of God they may be won over not by discussions, but by the godly lives of their wives.
That means ladies; we don’t demand that they stay up until 2am hashing out an argument. It means we maintain composure and walk in love, despite their response.
If we didn’t have the ability to do so, God wouldn’t have given us the instructions.
If you married unequally yoked, you may be dealing with some consequences of that choice, but we serve a God of many chances. Quite frankly, He knew you would make that decision that is why He gave us instructions on how to walk this out. So here are some practical ways you can win your spouse over.
Every situation is won on the battle field of prayer, but don’t ask God to change him, ask God to change you. Ask God to give you what you need to be the example of a godly wife.
2. Lead By Example Without Words
Seriously ladies, 2am discussion trying to convince him he is wrong will not help you. We have to choose to live out what we say we believe. If we are godly women, then we must live a godly life. He should see you pray, read, and live what you say you believe.
3. Walk In Love
As hard as this may be, if he is acting up, you have to choose to walk in love. Resist the temptation to return insults, walking around with a bad attitude or rolling of the eyes. We are told in 1 Corinthians 13 (message version) that love does not act unbecomingly. That’s a clue for us ladies!
4. Maintain Respect And Honor
Verse 2 of 1 Peter 3 instructs us to respect our husbands with high esteem and devotion. It doesn’t say only if he acts right. Our leading by example includes being respectful even when we feel they don’t deserve it.
5. Be Consistent
Winning your man over by your example of a being a godly wife won’t come from applying these principles once. To live a godly life, you have to prove you are godly by being consistent.
We’re not to be perfect, but through Christ, we can do all things. God’s mercy and loving kindness is new every morning, so every morning we have a chance to try again.
I found that this not only helped me to maintain my composure, but it helped our marriage.
In The End
By choosing to be an example instead of complaining about what he’s not doing, it helped my husband in his own walk with God. He began to pray more, read more, and this led him to discovered God’s expectations for him as a husband, which changed his thinking. Ultimately, it led to fewer arguments and a happy wife.
They say men wear the pants in the relationship, but I say as women, we wear the belt. And when we do this in a way that honor’s God, we hold the power to help win our men over for God.
This post is being shared on Grace and Truth, a weekly christian link-up!
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~ Timberley Gray
Yvonne Hunt says
Thank you Yvonne for reading! Nagging isn’t something any of us want to admit to, but praise God for grace and instructions through His word to help us ladies out.
The race is not given to the swift nor strong, but those who endure to the end!!! Too many couples have thrown in their marriage too soon!!! Thank you so much for the heartfelt, encouraging and compassionate words!!! Every situation is truly won on the battlefield of prayer!!!
Amen and Amen. Just think if we all took our problems to the throne instead of the phone! God Bless you Tina and thank you for your encouraging words. Blessings~
Timberly, I needed to read this about 20 years ago! My husband was not a believer when we married, but become a believer shortly after. I was not where I need to be in my faith, and it was hard. I was very naggy. It took many years to learn what you have written here. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Hi Sabrina! Thank you for sharing your story, what a blessing to hear however that your husband gave his life to Christ. Thank you for stopping by to read. ~ Blessings
You are so right, nagging is certainly never helpful. These tips are so helpful to our marriages. The longer I’ve been married, the more I realize that trusting God in my marriage is the most important thing. When I stop trying to control things and change things in my own strength, that’s when God truly has a chance to work. Great post, Timberley!
Hi Rosanna thank you for stopping by to read! You are so right, our best efforts don’t compete with God! ~ Blessings
This is such a great post and so needed! It’s incredibly important and up until about 6 months ago, I didn’t understand this. I spent too much time focusing on what he wasn’t, that I couldn’t see everything he was. Thank you for sharing this and for the great reminder of what I need to be for my husband.
I love that Tammy, focusing on what he is doing rather than what he’s not helps us keep that spiritual, emotional and physical connection with our spouse. Thank you for stopping by to read. ~ Blessings
This is so good! Learning to not nag my husband at any time of the day has been such a blessing to my marriage. I love how all 5 of your practical ways to win your spouse over can be used have and nurture a God-centered marriage.
Thank you for stopping by to read. ~ Blessings
Shanique |Rock Solid Faith says
Nagging never helps and focusing on the problem often only escalates the situation. Thanks for the lovely reminder that we are not perfect but through Christ we can do all things.
Lots of truth here Timberley! I think no. 3 is so key… love. Because without it we are a noisy gong or a clanging symbol as 1 Corinthians also puts it. Proverbs talks about the contentious wife being like a drippy faucet. Love is so much better.
Hi Melanie thank you for stopping by to read. Yes a contentious wife is who we don’t want to be. Love is always the better choice. ~ Blessings