We all do it…fake the funk; at work, around friends, around family even at church. We all put on a front that everything is ok when, in reality, it’s not!
If we’re going to keep it real, most of us are so bad at frontin’ like everything’s ok. The people around us can tell that we’re putting on a front. As a result, they’re the first ones to notice there’s a problem.
I (Timberley) have to admit, I wasn’t one for putting on a front. If things weren’t going well I either didn’t want to be around people. On the other hand, if forced to be around others, they could see there was a problem all over my face.
Again, this was one of those moments; we needed the help of our mentors. We recall them walking us through how vital the marriage relationship was. And that our spouse is our number-one priority under God. At that moment it became clear to us that our marriage should be honored at all cost.
Recognizing this is one thing, living by it, is another. We discovered that when we ran to others about our marital problems, it displayed discord and division. And when couples do this, family and close friends, will never forget what your spouse did. Then, when things get better, you may have forgiven, but they’ve never forgotten.
Please don’t get us wrong you should have a friend, a pastor, a mentor, or someone who holds you accountable to the Word of God that you can go to for prayer, guidance, and discipleship should you need it. However, when we choose to air our dirty laundry about our spouses to others, we open the door for the enemy to come in and cause division.
It could be something as simple as this: a family member asks for money, and you respond with: my wife said no. Another example would be; you get invited to a family dinner, and you respond with: my husband said no. This type of response shows there’s division in the marriage, and others have now formed a negative opinion about your spouse.
A more positive response could be; we talked about it, and WE decided….This shows that you are unified. And sometimes, this unity requires us to fake the funk on purpose. It doesn’t mean we are acting like a problem doesn’t exist; if you’re working through challenges, and you have someone holding you accountable (walking through the process with you) there is no reason for everyone else in the world to know. This is called walking out your challenges maturely in faith, not faking the funk!
This was a difficult pill for us to swallow. Even if we were in the midst of an argument or disagreement, we were going to have to learn to work it out among ourselves with the guidance of our mentors who were counseling us at the time until we got it right. Consequently, that meant we were going to have to fake the funk on purpose for the sake of unity.
In doing this, we quickly discovered this process of displaying unity was the key for us to have any influence with our family, and friends. However, our unity ran much deeper than appearing that all was well to others. It was about us being unified, so that our prayers would not be hindered.
1 Peter 3: 7 NLT says…”In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”
This means, in order for our prayers to not be hindered, we must be unified. Now we know that many people like to point out that the scriptures says “husbands.” But, if you look at the scripture closely, it says in the same way, meaning: wives and husbands.
The times we were at odds with one another, we were believing God for breakthrough in other areas of our life. We were the ones responsible for the damage we were doing to our marriage. We were talking to others not looking for counsel but validation, saying things like well, my wife said no, or my husband did this. Those kinds of words not only portrayed our spouses in a negative light, it caused division, and discord among us, and began to hinder our prayers.
We have to admit it was difficult at first to fake the funk when we were going through some of the toughest moments in our marriage. But, as we fought for unity, our marriage became stronger. We began to pray with one another and see God work on our behalf in our family and our finances.
While living within the priorities of God, one of the biggest lessons we learned, that we continue to strive for today is, to maintain our unity.
Our marriage is the only relationship that mirrors Christ and the Church. Therefore, it is the most important relationship next to God in our life, and should be cherished, guarded, respected and fought for to maintain unity.
Sure, we all have arguments and want our own way. But would any amount of division in your marriage be worth seeing your prayers hindered? If you have family or friends who see your spouse in a negative light, have you created the problem?
You never know, by doing this, you may find genuine: love, care, respect, and regard in your marriage again.
~ André and Timberley Gray