Someone once asked me what my priorities were. I said: making money, providing for my family, my kids, my wife, and then God.
These are important priorities. However, they’re not in their proper order. And to be successful in this life, our priorities must be in their respective order.
I remember going to my mentor for advice when I hit a low point in my life. As I was seeking advice regarding some financial decisions. I remember him asking me what my priorities were. And I gave him the same answer I just shared with you.
He then asked what did my wife think of my plans and did I pray about it?
To be honest, I said no. Because I need to do what I need to do. And my mentor did what he always did, he listened. Then he said something that has stuck with me to this day.
“I know you will do whatever you have to do. But did God tell you to do it?”
Again, I said: no. And then he told me to share it with my wife and talk to God.
That’s when I was taught how to live within the priorities of God (God, Spouse, Family, Ministry, and Work).
Previous to this revelation of God’s priorities, I didn’t think that not including my wife in the decisions I wanted to make, would make her feel that she wasn’t a priority to me.
However, I have learned that she wants to be a part of my world. She wants to know about my day; what I’m thinking, and what my dreams are.
We hosted a marriage small group recently, and one of the ladies put it this way…
“I want to be a part of my husband’s crazy.”
Did you get that fellas?
Our wives want to know about our crazy day! Over the years, I have learned that when I purpose my efforts in these 5 ways, my wife feels that she is MY PRIORITY (after God).
Ephesians 5:25 (AMPC)
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Loving our wives the way Christ loves the church, comes down to one-word…SACRIFICE.
Christ sacrificed himself for the church. When we, as husbands sacrifice ourselves and tend to our wife’s needs and wants, it makes her feel that she is important. And that she matters.
Are you willing to lay down your pride, and your ego, to lift up your wife?
John 13:34 (NLT)
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.”
The example Christ set in how he loves the church, show us how we can love our wives successfully. Not the way we love ourselves, but the way Christ loves us.
If I say I love my wife but do nothing to show her; no display or expression of my love for her, then how is it love?
We can show our wives love by honoring them; by recognizing their femininity.
1 Peter 3:7-9 (AMPC)
“In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]”
Let me clarify this verse for a moment, by looking at these words; “honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker.”
That does not mean that our wives or women are weak. Rather that they are tender, delicate, and deserve special attention. You can honor your wife by: opening her door, holding her hand while walking, speaking honorably towards her, and about her to others.
We do not honor our wives when we disrespect her in public, make jokes about her, or degrade her.
Colossians 3:19 (NLT)
“Husbands, love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.”
Affection can be shown in many ways, and what works for some women may not work for others. I would encourage you to find out how your wife would like you to show her affection.
Timberley likes to cuddle. She likes to sit on the couch and cuddle to watch a movie, or just talk. However, her affection isn’t limited to cuddling. She also wants kisses throughout the day.
Let me be clear about this kiss. She does not want a peck, but a 7 second kiss! She wants to hold hands. And she wants quality time, where my affection is devoted to her.
Whatever affection looks like to your wife, find out and then do it.
This is a big one. To summarize it; men are headliners and women are detailed.
When I come home from work, and Timberley asks me about my day, I use to say; ok. However, I have learned; that answer is not going to fly.
She is going to need more details, because she desires to be a part of my crazy. And she wants to know the details of my day. Men, if you want less confusion in your marriage, COMMUNICATE.
In closing, I’m going to keep it real with you. To be successful in life, more effective in ministry or even at work, we have to be effective at home; starting with our wives.
Your wife is your homie, lover, and friend. She is not your enemy. Your wife is your biggest fan, and your biggest critic.
Happy wife makes a happy life!
Do you have another way to show that your wife is a priority? If so, share it in the comments below to help a brother out!
~ André Gray